How to lie about the speed of your moped

I recently saw a sad/hilarious thread on 'Lovers of Tomos' with a bunch of people lying about their '60 mph tomos's and i thought, "man, thats pretty weak, I guess these new kids out here doing the facebook thing inbetween playing world of warcraft or vaping or whatever don't know the 'international moped friendship organization' rules and best practices for lying about the speed of your moped."

Since i make it a personal goal not to post any useful information on facebook and only troll about tomos oil injectors and shit ( i've been told its an irrelevant social media platform, as opposed to MA which will forever be superior in every way) I figured i'd post the time honored moped speed lying skills that have been handed down through the ages.

From the original dark days before speed parts where moped speed lying was limited to claiming your Sachs went '32' when you damn well knew what those cars passing you were only doing 30 in that school zone, up to the modern era of fake GPS screen shots on your cell phone because 'you cant find a way to hold the gps camera app'.... these grand traditions must be passed on to future generations so they can learn and prosper.

#1 pick a random number above 60 but not too far above 60, make it oddly specific so they know you actually measured it with GPS, don't just say 'like 65'. You can also post something like '59' to avoid further scrutiny, then people won't think you're bragging because they'll say 'well if he was lying he would just round up to 60' even though your mis-tuned k-star actually barely does 50.

(ironically people whose bikes actually go that fast say things like '65' because they only care that they broke a milestone in 5 mph increments and they actually are 10x more concerned about why their carb keeps rattling off above 10k rpm or whether or not that funny sound is detonation, or they shut it down as soon as they see that round number come up because they are scared shitless riding a moped at 60 mph)

#2 claim that you are using speed secrets and that 'its easy' so your vague comments sound mysterious and fancy instead of sound like you don't actually know what is going on'

DONT post any info that people can actually use to determine you are lying like port timing, or jet size. Gearing is a good one that makes it sound like you are going faster than you really are because you can just say as big of gears as you want.

#3 double down, don't ever back off that number and if people really start to press you find someone who went 40 that you passed once to verify that "Oh man I was going like 45 (actually 38) and he was totally going sixty plus that one time he passed me and it was just the two of us and nobody ever saw it happen ever again"

#4- spend all your money on huge pipes and the most ostentatious and flashy speed parts you can find, that way when you post a pic of your bike outside a coffee shop or whatever it will totally look like it goes that fast

#5 don't bring the bike to a rally, if you do tell them that the weather is making your jetting off, or 'you're taking it easy' or better yet you 'blew up your clutch'. best you bring your slow brokeass stocker and say you don't want your 'A' bike to get scratched up in the back of a van bringing it there, this will probably also save you the humiliation of breakdown van. If you absolutely have to bring your bike, make sure it runs as badly as ever (haha, of course it does! ) so you can say its not running right this weekend or have some good excuse.

Well, thats the 5 rules for lying about your moped speed, hopefully this helps some folks out. The community wins when we all lie about our speeds better. (edited)

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Douglas Binder /

Ya caught me! I knew someone would figure out that I lied about my 60mph Puch.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Chöschi21 C.K. /

> Graham Motzing Wrote:

> -------------------------------------------------------

> (ironically people whose bikes actually go that fast say things like

> e '65' because they only care that they broke a milestone in 5 mph

> increments and they actually are 10x more concerned about why their carb

> keeps rattling off above 10k rpm or whether or not that funny sound is

> detonation, or they shut it down as soon as they see that round number

> come up because they are scared shitless riding a moped at 60 mph)

I love that Part, because it's so true, back when i had competition in School and didn't do it just for fun i told everybody the exact numbers, now i am not even quite sure what my Maxi runs right now and back when i had my ZA 65cc Hero it was fast, i thought it had to be running 60, now i am not even close to sure about it because i think the Guys i rode with probably lied about their Speeds and i couldn't quite keep up with Cars traveling at about 50...

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Dirty30 Dillon /

This thread is the truth we needed in 2019.

It's ok to enjoy a hearty 45mph. End the stigma of speed-shame.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Chöschi21 C.K. /

I would say it's okay to enjoy a Moped at any speed, even 15mph.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

TOP GUN™ ANDY ⚔ (LSLB) ⚔ /

I like a nice easy 45. I agree with Dillon. Let's leave speed shaming in 2018 where it belongs.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Solex living at a stern 11mph

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Chöschi21 C.K. /

wow, realy? 11mph is slow even for a Solex.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

> P8R . Wrote:

> -------------------------------------------------------

> Solex living at a stern 11mph

I see you are taking full advantage of technique #1.... we all know that shit don't break 10 mph.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Brandon Weiss (Detective brandon to you) /

I just chuckle inside whenever i see those pissing matches.....it's funny how people can be so driven to lie about the pettiest of things. I'm all for friendly competition, but it's cringe inducing when this happens, especially in person. It's worse in the minibike communities though, so i'm at least thankful that its not as bad as it could be.

I personally love reading into and studying and hearing about people's setups, because i'm just curious and it's fun to read! I've tried quantifying gains before, seeing what my trap speeds are at set distances from a starting point before and after modifications. It's not super scientific and probably not all that accurate without calibrated equipment, but it's still fun. I've posted about it in my threads before. I wish more people would do that.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Everyone knows mopeds don't run so anything faster than you can pedal or push is a lie.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Wow! I've been doing it all wrong by posting GPS speeds and claiming speeds as honest. Like my Jawa does an honest 34 MPH. Screw that!

Now that I know the rules, my Jawa peggs the speedometer at the 6 o'clock position and does 47 MPH.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Man, it sounds like going 60 is easier than lying about going 60.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Well on a good day it does go to the 6 o'clock position but... Yeah let's call it 60 MPH.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

you could just Take the gps in your car for.

My e50 goes 70mph & I’m hoping for 80mph. My penis is 21’ & 1/8”

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

𝐿𝑖𝑘𝑎-𝐿𝑜𝑡𝑎𝑠𝑎𝑢𝑟 𝑀𝑒𝑔𝑎𝑝𝑢𝑠 🦖 /

I was cruising 45, dude pulls up beside on a Madass 125 and yells “59! 59!”

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

this guys moped does 100. built with mugan parts. I'm currently working with my bank to secure a second mortgage to make this deal happen.

https://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/for/d/brooklyn-puch-cafe-racer-85cc-very-very/6794819976.html

Screenshot_20190117-090751.png
Screenshot_20190117-090823.png
Screenshot_20190117-090837.png

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

It doesn't happen too often that reading an add gives me a headache.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

> Moore Burns & Payne Crematorium Wrote:

> -------------------------------------------------------

> I was cruising 45, dude pulls up beside on a Madass 125 and yells “59!

> 59!”

It’s funny the number of times I’ve been told my bike must have been going well over 60 by someone on a Tao Tao that believes their speedo. Best was dude on a 150 gy6 amazed at my speed when I was riding a bike that I’ve never managed to get more than 45 mph outta. I never saw over 40 except down steep hills on my Maxi but passed a few people who were going 55, lol. I do believe the guy I got it from got 50 out of it though but he’s smaller than me and had it dialed in differently than I wound up tuning it,

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

The only thing that matters in regards to speed is watching everyone riding with you getting smaller and smaller in your mirror until you can't even see them anymore.

The counterpoint of many bikes tones diminishing until only a single tone remains, only to be reduced further by the whistle of wind and peaceful solitude

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

> JBOT Admin Wrote:

> -------------------------------------------------------

> the whistle of wind and peaceful solitude

The stuff dreams are made of . ;)

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Some of the best enjoyment I’ve had from being on a faster bike have been the opposite of that. Falling way behind during a group ride due to whatever, usually something dumb like running out of gas, then riding possessed to catch up.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Brandon Weiss (Detective brandon to you) /

> Thomas TPRF Wrote:

> -------------------------------------------------------

> Some of the best enjoyment I’ve had from being on a faster bike have

> been the opposite of that. Falling way behind during a group ride due to

> whatever, usually something dumb like running out of gas, then riding

> possessed to catch up.

I was once hit by some eggs on halloween night, stopped and rode down the sidewalk toward them....Didnt catch them but they ran like scared cockroaches. After i cooled down i rode like mad to catch back up with the group. After i did, i noticed i had a small omelette cooked on the cylinder head.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Josiah Radebaugh /

> Brandon Weiss (Detective brandon to you) Wrote:

> -------------------------------------------------------

> > Thomas TPRF Wrote:

>

> > -------------------------------------------------------

>

> > Some of the best enjoyment I’ve had from being on a faster bike have

>

> > been the opposite of that. Falling way behind during a group ride due

> to

>

> > whatever, usually something dumb like running out of gas, then riding

>

> > possessed to catch up.

>

> I was once hit by some eggs on halloween night, stopped and rode down

> the sidewalk toward them....Didnt catch them but they ran like scared

> cockroaches. After i cooled down i rode like mad to catch back up with

> the group. After i did, i noticed i had a small omelette cooked on the

> cylinder head.

Amazing!

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Chöschi21 C.K. /

I am Writing to a Guy telling me that he hit 120kmh(74mph) with a Maxi, E50, Ported 70cc Airsal, 17:52 Gearing, a 20mm Carb and a Homoet P4 or P6, i just told him that he would never ever get to 17000rpm's with a Homoeth P4 or P8...

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

> JBOT Admin Wrote:

> The counterpoint of many bikes tones diminishing until only a single

> tone remains, only to be reduced further by the whistle of wind and

> peaceful solitude

...as you quietly coast to a stop because your engine just seized. We're talking about mopeds, after all.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Why don't they just by a motorcycle?

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

Chöschi21 C.K. /

Bragging.

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

> Moby Dick Wrote:

> -------------------------------------------------------

> > JBOT Admin Wrote:

>

> > The counterpoint of many bikes tones diminishing until only a single

>

> > tone remains, only to be reduced further by the whistle of wind and

>

> > peaceful solitude

>

> ...as you quietly coast to a stop because your engine just seized. We're

> talking about mopeds, after all.

Not if you build it right.

Things can happen but a cool well tuned engine rarely has probs

Re: How to lie about the speed of your moped

My work colleague followed me home in his Renault Clio and next day said he clocked me at over 60mph. Knowing full well I’ve had 58mph on the gps and that was all she wrote ( for now)

It’s easy to imagine people believing their speedos.

But building a genuine 60mph bike is hard, and bloody expensive!

Want to post in this forum? We'd love to have you join the discussion, but first:

Login or Create Account