That's the main issue about everything. I just wish I could get out of it, and at one time I truly felt I was. I just hate mopeds not being a social outlet for me anymore, and that really, really, bothers me. I can't let go of 13 years, I know things would have turned out better if I had my shit together. I'd give anything to be riding and hanging out with people tonight, but I'm alone. It makes me feel worse, and there is legit heartache over it. I've been told by people that things may change, but at this point after all of this time, is it worth it? I want it to be.
Even my old therapist when I was talking to him told me to continue with it because he said that he sees that I have a lot of love for this. Told me to admit my wrongs, to admit that the problems within the community have been directly tied to me not having my shit together. He told me to try again, and I've had family tell me the same. I want to, but the nights I'm alone, and drinking I can't help but think about the times I did have that. (edited)