so i got these rats that get into my house. they chew little holes in walls and shit. i patch it, they re fuck it up. it's cool, nature is just fucked up like that. so, i caught plenty of them in glue traps. spring traps. poison. cats. whatever. i feel like glue traps work best, but are the least humane. i've seen them tear themselves apart trying to get out. recently, i got a "no kill" trap off ebay. its a little cage with a door that snaps shut. i caught a few and let them go, but there's this one really fat one with a scar on his face that squeaks a lot, i might keep his ass. i poke him with zip ties and he gets all mad and tries to fight them. i caught this other smaller rat and they were chillin like homies, but the little guy escaped and got stuck in a glue trap. had to put him down.
i mean, i'm sure it's "a bad idea" to make a pet of a wild animal, but i love doing stuff wrong. i don't handle him. i'm not too worried about disease, he looks pretty healthy, and i take a lot of vitamin C. i feed him and stuff. i got one of those ball bearing tube bottles. i'm sure someone's gonna be like "cruelty," but he was trespassing! i can legally kill him in a bunch of mean ways or feed him to cats or snakes. he's my prisoner! ha ha. it says online that rats are "social animals," so i'm gonna try and find him another buddy. maybe i'll teach him karate, so like, if i ever get murdered or something, he can like, drink some poison and get radioactive somehow and like, avenge my death, like on ducktales....