Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.
This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
^LFFAO! I need niether! And how good would either of those things look on the elderly?
my cock hurts.
Oh great...more stupid Rooster jokes ! ~
So, why do they call it PMS?
Mad Cow disease was already taken
What's better than roses on the piano?
TWO LIPS ON AN ORGAN!!!! BWAAAHAAA
a priest, a rabbi, and a shaman walk into a bar
except there's actually no rabbi
and there's no shaman
and the bar is my eighth birthday party
and the priest is molesting me
the priest was my father, but he wasn't a priest
my father molested me
a lot.
WalDoz,
that is seriously fucked up shit on their part.
you are still here, you got to work through it man, you can get rid of it by letting it go.
confront it, not hide it away. forgive the fucked up peeps they're fucked up. tell them you know they are fucked up and forgive them.
it's not religion, it's mental help, rebuild everything as if it was the first day of the rest of your life.
no joke.
What did the sign on the whore house say?
"Beat it, we're closed".
"Ghost Rider"
To those of you who are nit-pickers about the meaning of words, there is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls, but do you really know the difference?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - is arriving home late, after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask, “Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, with lipstick on your collar, and slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say, “You're next, Chubby.”
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome …
PS: Both result in death.
A man walks into a bar, and asks "Why the long face?" The blonde turns and says "you are stepping on my foot!"
Chance, you suck at telling jokes.
Just stick with noob harassment for now.
A horse walks into a crowded bar.
Everyone then leaves the bar because they recognize the danger of being with a wild animal in a crowded room.
Dangerous animals is right. My friends sister-inlaw just started riding horses about 3 weeks ago as a means of therapy, so to speak, and to occupy her time, meet new friends, as she has been troubled with depression, anxiety, and had had some troubles with the law recently.
Last week, she dicided to try riding bare-back. As she reached the end of a trail, she fell off, falling on a log that marks the end of the trail. Had to go to the hospital in an ambulance. Even though she only weighs 95 pounds, she suffered several broken ribs, her one kidney was severed into three pieces, and also suffered a punctured lung.
They tryed to carderize the arteries to her kidney authoscopically but it didnt work, and she formed a large blood clot in her abdomen and her internals had all become swollen, so they opened her up and for the past few days, she has been in a medically induced coma with most of her organs outside her body, waiting for the swelling to go down. I think Thursday they were to remove her damaged kidney and if things looked good, they were to be putting her back together yesterday, but i havent spoke to my friend in a few days.
Such a horrible thing to go through. I hope she pulls through. She is a sweet, kind girl and only in her late twenties but has just had a run of bad luck. I'm sure she'll be looking at a long recovery. To top things off, she has no health insurance.
So yeah, there's only two things that can kill superman. Kryptonite and horses, and i'm not messing around with either.
No Joke.
I remeber something about a dirty puerto rican stealing garbage but forget the punchline...
I thought this was a joke thread.
Thanks for killing the moment
The Test...
A Pennsylvania State Trooper pulled a car over on I-81 about 2 miles north
of the Pa/Md State line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was
speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and
he was on his way to Harrisburg to do a show that night at the Zembo Shrine
Circus and didn't want to be late.
The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver
would do a little juggling for him that he wouldn't give him a ticket.
The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on
aheadand didn't have anything to juggle. The Trooper told him that he had some
flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them.
The juggler stated that he could andasked the Trooper to light them.
The Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.
While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the
patrol car, a drunk got out and watched the performance briefly, he then went
over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The Trooper observed
him doing this and went over to the patrol car, opened the door and asked
the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, "You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there's
no way in hell I can pass that test!
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
the geico gecko sits at a bar, drinking a cold beer. just then a large horse walks in and looks at the gecko. the gecko turns to the horse and says "hello mate". then he continues to drink his beer.
what did the zen buddist say to the hotdog guy?
one with everything....
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
It’s a really obscure number, you’ve probably never heard of it.
Little johnny comes home from school one day and goes to the bathroom.
He sees his mother in the shower and noticing her bush and being just a kid himself asks "What's all that?"
to which she replies "oh, that's just mommy's little black sponge"
So he goes to school the next day, comes home and goes to the bathroom where this time his dad is taking a shower.
He notices his dad's pubes, and ask's "Are you using Mommy's Little black sponge?"
but his dad didnt say anything. he just made little johnny touch it.
and johnny didn't like it, but sometimes he likes to make jokes about it and pretend it's ok - but it's not ok.
my father molested me alot.
A redneck with a bucket full of live fish was approached recently by a game warden in Central Mississippi as he started to drive his boat away from a lake. The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?" "Naw, sir," replied the redneck. "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish." "Pet fish?" "Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home." "What a line...you're under arrest." The redneck said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment Man. I'll show ya! We do this all the time!" "WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!" The redneck released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?" "Well, WHUT?" said the redneck. The warden asked, "When are you going to call them back?" "Call who back?" "The FISH," replied the warden! "Whut fish?" asked the redneck.
@will
Fuckin' A.
two strangers met fishing @ a dock after about an hour staring at the fish without a bite. the one guy goes i know a better way and rushes back from his pick-up with a pack and as he opens it he says this is the way my pappy taught me down in 'bama. with that he pulls out a few sticks of dynomite lights em throws them in, boom quite a few fish surface and he scoops them in the net, the other guy goes that's illegal,
what's it matter? with that the other guy shows him his wallet id "game warden" let me get your id the guy fumbles around and he goes hold this and before he realizes that he is holding them the redneck lights the two sticks of dynomite and says we can discuss all types of triviality all afternoon or we can just keep fishin.
Ken Roff Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=MtN1YnoL46Q&desktop
> _uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DMtN1YnoL46Q
Ken, you have been here waaaay too long to not know how to embed video.
It embeds sometimes as you can see on other posts I made and then it don't work doing the same thing I think it's the safari on this phone
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