You forget the one where I related getting my poor, puny ass knocked clean off my 'ped by a salt thrower truck...it sure wasn't funny at the time, but it's hella funny now...
Then there's the cat rescue, but it's hard to follow without knowing the area, save for one bit of severe insanity.
Our kitty managed to fall out the window and land on her ass, spraining or breakin one of her back legs (NOT the most graceful kitty in the world, this..) and so a trip to the Vet was in order.
The Vet was a real bitch about things, demanding a substantial cash-in-hand deposit in advance before even lookin at yer pet, even though I'd been a customer for years and was always good for the money.
So, having no fundage on a Tuesday afternoon, I decide to make a trip to the bank...which happens to be about 5 miles away.
Then I look at the clock...2:48pm...and the bank closes at three !
(Cue fer william tell overture here..)
And we all know how likely it is the bank will close the doors earlier than that cause they are pricks.
So I get out there, flingin the chains offa my 'ped like a madman, and fire it up...takes about 2 minutes...
This, luckily, was the Golden Bullet TTLX "Interceptor" I had before the wreck, still 50cc, but hopped up quite a bit.
Now, the estimated travel time for a CAR, is Nine Minutes...check it yourself.
( 801 E Jefferey St, Baltimore MD 21225 - 100 4th Ave SW, Glen Burnie MD, 21061)
That's under perfect conditions, of course....not with school letting out and the resultant traffic snarl that usually creates.
Also, the route the mapping gadgets will give ya is not the one that was taken...apparently the damn things don't seem to understand what stoplights and stopsigns do to yer travel time.
Belle Grove & 648 are a total backup due to off-traffic from 695 as well.
So I blow down Jeffrey to Hanover, and break left, but instead of rolling down Belle Grove, I break LEFT onto Ritchie Hwy Rte2 (aka, the meat grinder, locally).
The map don't tell you one thing...Belle Grove is UP-hill, Ritchie...is DOWN-hill, see ?
Caught the light yellow and just banged the throttle to the stops, flew through at about 40mph+ and accellerating.
Using the margin/turn lane of the road (legal in MD on Route2, if you have a moped), I FLEW past traffic, wild eyed and ready to run OVER anything in my way, and caught most of the lights green, or close enough to cheat.
Then I catch the worst one, Ordinance and Ritchie (170&Rte2) and watch it turn red....This is NOT happenin, I think.
So I cut hard right into the sears parking lot and am running flat out parallel to traffic, and head for the parking lot of this little italian restaurant, which is on the northeast corner of that intersection, cause I noticed little, if any traffic on the east side.
And prepared to do something quite literally insane....JUMP a Moped at 44mph+ from the top of a 50-degree slope from the curb to about six/seven feet up.
Ok, imagine it this way, if you were standing on Ordinance/170, east of Rte2, you'd have a curb, and then you could climb the slope in front of you to get to the restaurant, ok ?
Only, I was comin at it the OTHER way at speed, and gonna jump that puppy !
(Don't try this at home kids, I had reinforcement bars on the frame, remember)
When she launched, there was this instant where time just kinda stopped, a moment of utter clarity where all the world just seemed to pause, the colors brightened and all sound faded to a dull hum...and my only real thought at the time was "oh shit I'm gonna die!".
Then she hit...WHAMMO, bottomed out so hard I thought she'd snap in half, and quite literally bounced back up a couple inches, but kept right on going...to the utter and stunned amazement (no doubt) of anyone who witnessed that.
Somewhere in there I managed to bite my tongue prettygood, but damned if I remember where, hell...I don't recall it happening, or noticing till about a hundred yards later as I hit the split and cut right onto Rte3 Bus.
The whole while, that thottle was still pinned to the stop, and it stayed there....alla way down Rte3 till it crossed 648, and I wasn't gonna blow that light cause the traffic was too heavy...so I checked my watch to see how much time I had left.
FOUR FULL MINUTES ! I was like "wha th' hell ?"
So the the light changed, and I flew down the street and into the bank's parkin lot, using a 45-slide stop, whipped the kickstand down and charged the door, which was still open.
I got the required cash, and stepped back out to look at my 'ped, since I was worried about that bottom-out.
I tellya this much, if Tomos ever gets to makin cars...the US Auto Industry is screwed, no damage..although I replaced a couple bolts anyway when I got back, just to be on the safe side.
Suffice it to say I returned at a far more stately pace, and took kitty to the vet, where luckily, it was naught more than a sprain..and settled matters handily.
I also decided I wasn't gonna do biz with that particular vet anymore.
To this day I still can hardly believe I did somethin so wacked as that, but at the time, well....desperate folks do desperate things, yannow ?