Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!

andrewhed /
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The old testement says this stuff too. I bet we dont listen to it all:

A THEOLOGICAL JOKE

Recently my friend Robert forwarded to me this joke submitted to Dr. Laura Schlessinger who is a US radio personality dispensing advice to people who call in to her radio show. Recently a listener wrote in and said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident and posted on the Internet. It was e-mailed to Robert by a fellow "croppie" and he forwarded it to me. It's funny, as well as informative.

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1). When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odour for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2). I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3). I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual cleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4). Leviticus 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighbouring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5). I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states that he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6). A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is a abomination of Leviticus 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7). Leviticus 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8). Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19:27. How should they die?

9). I know from Leviticus 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10). My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev. 24:10-16). Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14).

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan,

Jim.

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  OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Topic by: andrewhed andrewhed 05/15/08 08:31PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: All Gas No Brakes All Gas No Brakes 05/15/08 08:45PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Zeke Zeke 05/15/08 10:50PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: steve steve 05/15/08 11:00PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Brennan O. Brennan O. 05/15/08 11:05PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Dan Dan 05/19/08 12:47AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: James G James G 05/15/08 11:02PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/15/08 11:10PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: steve steve 05/15/08 11:10PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/15/08 11:12PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Zeke Zeke 05/15/08 11:36PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Grom Alan Grom Alan 05/16/08 03:50PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: steve steve 05/15/08 11:17PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/15/08 11:19PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/15/08 11:21PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Zeke Zeke 05/15/08 11:34PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Lance applewhite Lance applewhite 05/15/08 11:24PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/15/08 11:24PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Dan Adams (50:1) Dan Adams (50:1) 05/15/08 11:24PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Michael Dane Michael Dane 05/15/08 11:25PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Dan Adams (50:1) Dan Adams (50:1) 05/15/08 11:28PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/15/08 11:34PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: brystheguy brystheguy 05/16/08 12:01AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Robert Rosselit Robert Rosselit 05/15/08 11:42PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/15/08 11:49PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Lance applewhite Lance applewhite 05/16/08 12:03AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: finny finny 05/16/08 12:32AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: mike mike 05/16/08 12:32AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Edward Richardson Edward Richardson 05/16/08 12:42AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: mike mike 05/16/08 01:11AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: -Unholysmokers - Chad Ferguson -Unholysmokers - Chad Ferguson 05/16/08 01:11AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/16/08 01:58AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: j j 05/16/08 03:31AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Moped Jay Moped Jay 05/16/08 10:52AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: temple temple 05/16/08 03:50AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: elliot elliot 05/16/08 03:56AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: finny finny 05/16/08 04:11AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: kim jensen kim jensen 05/17/08 03:31AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: skywriter skywriter 05/16/08 06:39AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Zeke Zeke 05/16/08 07:34AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Zeke Zeke 05/16/08 07:35AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: spork Guarnierius spork Guarnierius 05/16/08 09:27AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: russg russg 05/16/08 10:13AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Michael Dane Michael Dane 05/16/08 10:29PM
  Can I borow some wetsuits?Re: Dan Adams (50:1) Dan Adams (50:1) 05/16/08 10:01AM
  OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens 05/16/08 10:03AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Phil Verbeek Phil Verbeek 05/16/08 10:33AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: -Unholysmokers - Chad Ferguson -Unholysmokers - Chad Ferguson 05/16/08 10:54AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Robert Rosselit Robert Rosselit 05/16/08 11:03AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/16/08 11:36AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Robert Rosselit Robert Rosselit 05/16/08 11:40AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/16/08 11:43AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: B Brick B Brick 05/16/08 12:32PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Scott Scott 05/16/08 01:07PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens 05/16/08 01:15PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: no groms no blasters no groms no blasters 05/16/08 01:17PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens 05/16/08 01:25PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Robert Rosselit Robert Rosselit 05/16/08 01:59PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Chance Johns Chance Johns 05/16/08 03:01PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Robert Rosselit Robert Rosselit 05/16/08 03:05PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Brendan Chenelle Brendan Chenelle 05/16/08 03:06PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: QuickReference QuickReference 05/16/08 03:07PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: temple temple 05/16/08 03:18PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Zeke Zeke 05/16/08 05:23PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Zeke Zeke 05/16/08 05:25PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Gabe Gabe 05/16/08 06:24PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Zeke Zeke 05/16/08 06:31PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Kenny J Kenny J 05/16/08 07:03PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Dan T Dan T 05/16/08 07:03PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Zeke Zeke 05/16/08 07:06PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: finny finny 05/16/08 11:30PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: dallas dallas 05/17/08 04:05AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/18/08 11:18PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Brendan Chenelle Brendan Chenelle 05/18/08 11:32PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Michael Dane Michael Dane 05/18/08 11:34PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/18/08 11:39PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Chris Squid Chris Squid 05/19/08 03:05AM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens 05/19/08 01:51PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Robert Rosselit Robert Rosselit 05/19/08 02:19PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Robert Rosselit Robert Rosselit 05/19/08 12:20PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens 05/19/08 03:07PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/19/08 03:13PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens Steamboat Aka J. R. Stevens 05/19/08 04:04PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: Jennifer kaye Jennifer kaye 05/19/08 04:18PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: pehuskey pehuskey 05/19/08 09:55PM
  Re: OT ? MY MARRIGE IS THREATENED!Re: andrewhed andrewhed 05/20/08 12:09AM

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