MOPED ARMY

in 2006 AJ and the buffalo boys offered to give me and Clint a ride from milwaukee to ann arbor for red october. They told us they would be there at something like 6 or 7 pm. I rushed home from school, got all my shit together, and was running around like a maniac at 7 pm when he called and said they were running an hour late, they just went through madison and were about an hour away.

whew, good, a little more time to pack

9 pm rolled around and they said they had stopped for a bite to eat and were about an hour away... ok.. thats weird.

10 pm rolls by, 11 pm. nothing, finally i called 'oh yeah we just drove through minneapolis we're like 5 hours away

what the fuck dude? thats like 4 hours backwards of where you were at 7 pm.

all night long, and this was before text was so much of a thing so a lot of calls back and forth... calls getting dropped.. can't hear you over the loud van... i've never met this guy before he's just some rando from the internet that offered to give us a lift. At one point around 4 or 5 am when i was totally exasperated they said they had passed milwaukee and missed us.

finally it gets to like 8 am after spending the whole night totally confused, clint and i are totally bummed out that we are gonna miss the rally, when the call comes in "hey we are downstairs"

i was so fucking confused and frustrated and mad and stoked and we got downstairs and realized that the whole thing was a giant prank they were doing while driving from Souix Falls and bored in the van.

we loaded up in a shitty 1980 something straight six econoline that could barely hold highway speed, i almost rolled it in chicago when i missed an off ramp, Brandon serenaded us with his sweet heavy metal singing. At the rally Cool Nathan graffittied the van, AJ pissed on my muffler and we had to ride home with the whole van smelling like burned piss.

People peeing in creepy Tony's helmet and gas tank was pretty good.

I miss Team 19. They were never up to any good when we were at bars.

The gross of expired condoms I got at a flea market at ms20 was pretty good. All the bikes in chase had them on the bars, I triple wrapped wills pipe and they melted on and smelled awful. People were starting to throw condoms at each other in the middle of the flea market. Best part was buying em "hey I'll take that big box of probably expired condoms"

"I uh prolly have some ones that are in date...."

"nope. I'm not classy enough for that"

Nonos rally maybe 2014? Every hole in this dudes bike got hot dogged. Bar ends, pipe, carb with the slide open, even lil caps for the Schrader valves. Shit was airtight

Swoops 2017, I crowdsourced about 50 zip ties and decorated wills sachs. That's not that funny, what's funny is he left them on for 2 years

Watched rxby baby bird Jameson into a sleeping brad potts once. That was pretty good.

The accidental egg fight at pentagram (17?) Was also a real good one. Lou was so pissed about bein a eggy boi

Dude, I remember the dog thing. That girl was freaking out. I had no sympathy, how the fuck are you going to bring your dog to a NASCAR race where they're running V8's at 150mph+ straight piped? It could have, and maybe did damage the dogs hearing. Smh. That was the same night the girl with the tail just straight took a piss feet away from me, ben, and chris, made us uncomfortable as fuck. (edited)

A flap wheel fits perfectly inside a stock air box

The craigslist drive is great

dude i remember at that peddy cash rally someone threw fireworks and then the train security dude came up and asked who did it and we all turned our backs and stayed silent and he just got angry and stormed off

then i kinda blacked out a bit and then we were chanting "fuck the swoops" in the train car, and a random passenger saw what we were doing and just lit a cigarette and smiled and smoked in the train car because why not

Hottest moves

I always thought it was funny how a lot of y'all just can't take the humidity and heat of the south. I always got amused at people who had never been to Richmond in the summer and thought they were going to die(esp people from up north.)Having some of The Puddle Cutters ask me why it was so hot is/was one of my fav highlights. Speaking of pranks, I told people that the James River had a direct run-off into it from the Surry nuclear power plant. At the time I had no idea if it was true(it is) but Eric Sabatino's face was classic when I told him that, he got wide eyed and pulled his legs out of the water. King pat said something to me and if I remember correctly he said "DON'T FUCKIN' TELL PEOPLE THAT" while kind of laughing. Good times, good times.

Haha, yea it was cuz you guys kept "ice"ing people with the smirnoff ice, we figure we'd ice back with the black ice air freshies. that was a fun one. I think some wound up in people's tents, bronwen caught me trying to hide some in their van

Totally forgot BBQ 13? 14? Tommy stuck a bunch of fireworks into lit cig butts in the ashtrays when they were kicking us out of that sports bar at like 1:30. We were all grousing and cleared out when behind the bouncers all these fireworks start going off all over the place. They were turbo pissed.