Oh this is rich...

Reeperette /

Y'all might get a laff outta this.

And no, before I go any further...I'd rather drive a 'ped any day, and fully intend to.

But anyhow, I bought a cage today, and whatta heap it is....

1989 Ford Tempo of Uncertain mileage, the Odom says 77000-plus, but the damn things broke so who the hell knows.

Well...it was $270+tx, title, tags...$29.00 fer insurance...so what the hell, right - not like it's gonna break my heart if I kill it or spill gas/oil all over the trunk carpet, since it's primary use is likely to be moped carrier anyhow.

$270 ? sheeeit, I've paid more than that for most mopeds I've owned!

Windshield cracked, four bald tires, no radio, brakes almost gone, needs total fluid flush&change, plugs, plug wires, distributor cap, air filter, doors kinda-sorta lock, 3 outta 4 anyhows, needs an alignment yesterday, exhaust hangin by a thread and lookin like rusty swiss cheese, rust-through in eight and more places, and one headlight nonfunctional and fulla water to boot....wow, it's a beaut, ain't it ?

Anyhow, if it died on us right away, it woulda went as a tax-deduction donation, for bluebook, so it was win-win on either front.

Me and my roomie (who still thinks we're all nutz, BTW) took bets on whether it would even make it from the auto lot to our parking lot, once we got a good look at it, and I was betting for (obviously).

I dubbed it the "HMS Rust Bucket", and given it's maroon-and-rust coloration, it's ironically appropriate.

Well, although it stalled out on idle a time or two, desperately needing new plugs and all - it not only made it back, but ran well enough to take it for a grocery and parts run.

Now...anyone wanna sell me a moped rack that might FIT on the back of an 89 Ford Tempo ?

Would be handy, that....but I'll just jam it in the trunk (yeah right!) or the back seat iff'n I hafta.

Fun fun fun...

Oh yeah, and pity the poor fool of the $30K SUV-Driver who thinks I should get out of my lane so he can have it...I damn near took one of those out earlier today by nearly sliding into him when he cut me off.

I guess it's a different story when their pretty, expensive toy might actually get HIT by someone who doesn't particularly care if their own car does...that dude seemed rather impatient to be away from my heap, the squealing tires as he fled quite convincing me he didn't want to play anymore.


Re: Oh this is rich...

that kicks ass! i want a car like that! (knowing me, itd end up a LOT nicer than when i got it & my ma would start takin it)

i have 2 get a car, or truck, put my scooter in TWO "45 slides" 2day trying 2 avoid makin dents in peoples doors, i swear, gettin on a scooter or moped is like puttin on an invisiblity cloak towards car drivers (any1 seen harry potter?).

Re: Oh this is rich...

damn right Ree. thats awesome.. ive been looking for a pure beater myself.. im thinikng one of those deisel rabbits convertable with holes in the top. lol

its gotta be 90% shot or ill be out there replacing everything trying to make it louder.. prettier or faster.. I want something so damn screwed I just dont even spend anything but maybe some fuzzy dice or a window sticker for hte back that says PORN

i want it to run and thats it...

hehe.. oh and ima drive it like i stole it!

Re: Oh this is rich...

$29 for auto insurance ? That's cheeper then my moped insurance ... Sheeeeet, I'm living in the wrong state !

You can probubly buy/make a pair of those metal U-shaped things that attacht to truck bumpers for holding motorbikes... just screw them on yer Tempo bumper :)

tempo hauler

take the trunk lid off and cut out part of the rear 1/4 panel. Use it like a side-loading truck. A sawzall makes really really short work of those cars. I helped a friend cut the rear off of a Tarus wagon, took about 10 min to do it. He wanted a 4- door el camino thing, but ran out of energy and junked it. They still gave him 300 for it.

I have to say it, but damn, I hate Tempos. I got talked into changing out the water pump on one---made me swear off front wheel drive cars for good. The damn thing is bolted to the smog pump, under the intake, and would be possible to get at only if you dropped the whole engine cradle.

HMMMM- how about cutin off the back, right after the firewall, and makin a trike out of it.

Ha! don't temp me.

Reeperette /

I know what ya mean dude - one of the spark plugs is behind the fuckin alternator and no way was I gonna remove THAT to change a plug...so I slapped a socket on there, jacked an extension to it and got the vise grips...<smirk>.

The right front headlight is fulla water, which sent me into hysterics as the auto-guys pulled it around and I could see it sloshing back and forth in there...if I can get the damn thing open wide enough, I might stick a fishing float in there till I find a replacement, heh.

Did the plugs/plug wires today, and added the mandatory fuzzy dice.


Re: Ha! don't temp me.

Ron Brown /


It is one of Murphy's laws that anything designed to keep liquids out, will develop a leak at the highest point and anything designed to keep water in, will develop a leak at the lowest point. : )

If you have no goldfish, drill a small hole in the headlamp "glass" right at the bottom. This will allow the water that leaks in to drain out again. That way, your new bulb will last a lot longer.


Re: Ha! don't temp me.

Pull the bulb and find the smallest float you can- I think the hole is a little under an inch. Just disconnect the socket on the back of the bulb to keep it kinda safe.

I think I've seen a chevy celibrity that someone made into a trike. Kept the hood, grill, bumper and lights there, just welded a fork and seat to the front. It was on some rat-bike page somewhere. I think the shifter (if it's automatic) is on a cable, right? It still won't be as nasty as this VW bug that had the front half of a mid 70's caddy FWD undeneith it. 500 cubes in a bug. that's sick.

Re: Oh this is rich...

Hey Ree,

Sounds like you've got yourself a helluva POS there. Kinda reminds me of my '88 grand am. Now there was a royal load of crap!


SUV Hunter

Oh yeah! I always wanted to get a big old POS, maybe a mid-70's Caddy or Imperial, somethin' like that....Heavy Metal...and put my money into a nice driver's seat with 5 point harness and bolt a crosstie on the front for a bumper, maybe with some chunks of re-bar stickin' out of it. Sure, cut me off. Go ahead and pull out in front of me. Squeeze on over into my lane. Hunting season opens with no limit!

Re: Oh this is rich...

I guess you haven't any safety check standards there, this "THING " wouldn't be allowed on the road in Canada. bruce

Re: Oh this is rich...

Ron Brown /


Re: Oh this is rich...

Karumba , Ron , You just 'quoted' one of my favourite movie lines. I almost fell off my chair laughing, Thanks for making my day, bruce

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