creature vigilantism: success

Jay Ho /

we were supposed to have a photographer from the SF chronicle trail us tonight, but we quickly found something much better to do.

lately, there has been an outbreak of moped theft in san francisco centered around the caltrain station downtown, where good-for-nothings and child molesters have been cutting cable locks of bikes chained on the street. stolen was a puch maxi, a vespa bravo, and another bravo i think at a different location.

as we left sadie's for our ride tonight, a lone moped was spotted down the block. we immediately tore after it, zig-zagging through the maze-like streets at the foot of potrero hill.

even with polini power between our legs, this pederass knew his terrain well, dragging us through a series of mud-covered construction sites and dirt paths. at the end of a makeshift parking lot my magnum lept off a two-foot-tall drop-off of some kind into gravel as graham cornered the baby-toucher.

"it's my friend's bike!" pleaded the hapless dirty-dread hillbilly lowlife. he sped off into the dirt, with newport and me in pursuit.

some chainlink fence and lake-like puddle later, mr. scumsucker lost us around a corner. newport and i split up to look in the dark for him. at the end of a parking lot i spoke to the attendant, who had previously seen a couple of extremely dirty fellows hanging out with mopeds under some overpass wasteland. i rode back, met up with newport and the rest of the gang, my insides burning with feelings of failure and disappointment.

well, shit-fuck, leave it to our antagonist to stupidly ride up toward us on his stolen goods. fifteen or twenty of us raced back to our bikes and took off after him across the china basin bridge, whatever it's called.

i saw nothing but sewer-dread's taillight as i pushed the magnum up to 80+ km/h over some very bumpy and ill-maintained roads. the little red light headed out over some dirt again, but graham, newport and i stayed close behind, with lee charging right behind us on the all-stock-modified hill-toucher of a maxi that he engineered but is unfortunately selling to some undeserving lad. in the pitch-dark we did not see the jagged chunk of concrete we had to jump onto, and i slammed on the brakes and lept off the bike as newport took a dive over his new clip-ons. lee somehow drove his bike over this vertical chunk of jagged conglomerate.

we immediately jumped back onto our rides and raced the pug-fucker down the block. he approached a circa-1995 beige mazda mpg, dumped the bike, and hopped in. graham, newport, and i surrounded the van, chains in hand, as the others roared to catch up.

"drive! drive, steve, drive!" cried the incest-bred scat defender.

"get the fuck out of my car!" yelled steve, the driver.

none of us wanted brains on our chains, so we let the thief go, since we had the bike. steve wouldn't let him back into the car until the cops appeared down the block, and they sped away. we have their license number.

casualties: only a bunch of loose shit on newport's pinto, lost homoet mount on my magnum (and thus a bad exhaust leak), some skin off doug's leg. it was worth it. even newport and i bonded a little.

Subject Written By Posted
  creature vigilantism: successTopic by: Jay Ho Jay Ho 12/20/05 05:49AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Dustin Foley Dustin Foley 12/20/05 06:14AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Graham French Graham French 12/20/05 06:31AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Gimmyjimmy . Gimmyjimmy . 12/20/05 09:44AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Gimmyjimmy . Gimmyjimmy . 12/20/05 09:46AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Bill W Bill W 12/20/05 11:44PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Chris Rice Chris Rice 12/20/05 10:44AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Brian Mikami Brian Mikami 12/20/05 12:37PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: CHUNK CHUNK 12/20/05 12:53PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Fingers Fingers 12/20/05 01:21PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: John Joedicke John Joedicke 12/20/05 02:40PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Flagrant - Flagrant - 12/20/05 03:01PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: newport newport 12/20/05 04:05PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: thuglife thuglife 12/20/05 05:22PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Fingers Fingers 12/20/05 05:36PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Bret Hoffman Bret Hoffman 12/20/05 08:52PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: ilivefaster ilivefaster 12/20/05 08:55PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: davidp davidp 12/20/05 09:00PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: newport newport 12/20/05 09:26PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Bret Hoffman Bret Hoffman 12/21/05 04:06AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Bainesworth - Bainesworth - 12/20/05 03:32PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: CHUNK CHUNK 12/20/05 09:33PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Ben Rioux Ben Rioux 12/20/05 06:14PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: joe ho joe ho 12/20/05 06:17PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: ilivefaster ilivefaster 12/20/05 07:12PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: joe ho joe ho 12/20/05 07:25PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: ilivefaster ilivefaster 12/20/05 08:47PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Fil Fil 12/21/05 01:23AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Daniel Van Donsel Daniel Van Donsel 12/21/05 04:38AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Larry Picarello Larry Picarello 12/21/05 02:31PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: benji treat benji treat 12/21/05 02:50PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Rob Hoehn Rob Hoehn 12/21/05 07:45PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: newport newport 12/22/05 08:15PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: xrongor xrongor 12/22/05 09:17PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: bandito bandito 12/22/05 09:41PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: newport newport 12/22/05 10:08PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Fingers Fingers 12/23/05 06:39PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Graham Motzing Graham Motzing 01/30/06 04:40PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Nate the skate Nate the skate 07/31/07 04:12AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Nate the skate Nate the skate 07/31/07 04:13AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: nc50junkie nc50junkie 07/31/07 04:26AM
  Re: your fucking morons!Re: Bret Hoffman Bret Hoffman 07/31/07 02:46PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 07/31/07 04:19AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Bret Hoffman Bret Hoffman 07/31/07 05:09AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: the worst terry the worst terry 07/31/07 06:37AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: homoped homoped 07/31/07 12:31PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Cleats Onionpockets Cleats Onionpockets 07/31/07 12:43PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: JCampbell JCampbell 07/31/07 12:46PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Cleats Onionpockets Cleats Onionpockets 07/31/07 12:47PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: JCampbell JCampbell 07/31/07 12:52PM
  nates a doucheRe: elliot elliot 07/31/07 01:11PM
  yes he isRe: Weeder Weeder 07/31/07 01:49PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Dom Lewis Dom Lewis 07/31/07 02:55PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 07/31/07 02:57PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Matt Scout The Scouting Dcon Matt Scout The Scouting Dcon 07/31/07 03:01PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Grom Alan Grom Alan 07/31/07 03:17PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: homoped homoped 07/31/07 03:23PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: JCampbell JCampbell 07/31/07 03:25PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: - Summerai - First Ben - Summerai - First Ben 07/31/07 03:50PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: 77 Batavus 77 Batavus 07/31/07 03:54PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: YGMPC YGMPC 07/31/07 04:38PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: elliot elliot 07/31/07 05:19PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: nc50junkie nc50junkie 07/31/07 05:39PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Nate the skate Nate the skate 07/31/07 05:44PM
  Simon's gonna hafta deal with this.Re: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 07/31/07 05:54PM
  Re: Simon's gonna hafta deal with this.Re: nc50junkie nc50junkie 07/31/07 05:59PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: #61 #61 07/31/07 08:44PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 07/31/07 05:45PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: nc50junkie nc50junkie 07/31/07 05:47PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Cleats Onionpockets Cleats Onionpockets 07/31/07 05:44PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: nc50junkie nc50junkie 07/31/07 05:49PM
  Nate makes losers look awesome!Re: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 07/31/07 05:59PM
  Re: Nate makes losers look awesome!Re: nc50junkie nc50junkie 07/31/07 06:00PM
  Re: Nate makes losers look awesome!Re: elliot elliot 07/31/07 06:04PM
  Nate is and always will be lonely.Re: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 07/31/07 06:10PM
  Re: Nate makes losers look awesome!Re: Arran Arran 08/01/07 12:23AM
  Re: Nate makes losers look awesome!Re: Cleats Onionpockets Cleats Onionpockets 07/31/07 06:06PM
  Re: Nate makes losers look awesome!Re: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 07/31/07 06:13PM
  Be nice to NateRe: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 07/31/07 06:19PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: ashton ashton 07/31/07 07:29PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: vincent vincent 07/31/07 08:13PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: rafter rafter 07/31/07 07:40PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 07/31/07 08:11PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: homoped homoped 07/31/07 08:19PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 07/31/07 08:26PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: nc50junkie nc50junkie 07/31/07 08:36PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: Nate the skate Nate the skate 07/31/07 10:45PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: Aaron Aaron 07/31/07 11:21PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: Arran Arran 08/01/07 12:27AM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 08/01/07 12:31AM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: Cleats Onionpockets Cleats Onionpockets 07/31/07 11:13PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: Nate the skate Nate the skate 07/31/07 11:42PM
  Re: shoot NateRe: elliot elliot 07/31/07 11:52PM
  Re: shoot NateRe: nc50junkie nc50junkie 07/31/07 11:56PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: David Ciao David Ciao 07/31/07 11:41PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: Nate the skate Nate the skate 07/31/07 11:59PM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: elliot elliot 08/01/07 12:02AM
  Re: your fucking morons!Re: David Ciao David Ciao 08/01/07 12:16AM
  Re: your fucking morons!Re: nc50junkie nc50junkie 08/01/07 12:27AM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: YGMPC YGMPC 08/01/07 12:31AM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: David Ciao David Ciao 08/01/07 12:41AM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 08/01/07 12:42AM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: Rich Battag Rich Battag 08/01/07 01:06AM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: nc50junkie nc50junkie 08/01/07 03:12AM
  Re: Be nice to NateRe: nc50junkie nc50junkie 08/01/07 03:11AM
  Fantastic story!Re: Kansas John Kansas John 08/01/07 04:14AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: keller_stephen keller_stephen 08/01/07 03:51AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: ~ DeeZy ~ DeeZy 08/01/07 03:57AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: keller_stephen keller_stephen 08/01/07 03:59AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: nc50junkie nc50junkie 08/01/07 04:14AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Nate the skate Nate the skate 08/01/07 04:17AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: nc50junkie nc50junkie 08/01/07 04:18AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Nate the skate Nate the skate 08/01/07 04:43AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: David Ciao David Ciao 08/01/07 04:46AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Nate the skate Nate the skate 08/01/07 04:55AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Roose Hurro Roose Hurro 08/01/07 11:49PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Nate the skate Nate the skate 08/01/07 11:51PM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: Roose Hurro Roose Hurro 08/02/07 12:01AM
  Re: creature vigilantism: successRe: jake jake 08/02/07 12:46AM
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